Sex and Skin Hunger

J W Waterhouse The Awakening of Adonis (detail)

Here is a guest post by a client talking about how sex workers have helped the issue of 'skin hunger' for him personally, following a discussion we had during our booking, which he has mentioned below.  I invited him to contribute to my blog after this discussion as I am always happy to hear of positive benefits which sex (and/or sex work) has for both men and women.

The answer to the question “If I died tomorrow, would I die a happy man” has a much different answer after my first months punting than my answer would have been immediately prior to starting my punting journey. Now I would die a much happier man. Compared to the relatively miserable, grumpy old man I had become, my mood is now significantly higher and seems to have been improving steadily over the course of my, so far, brief punting journey.

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So, you are the black sheep of the family...

Christmas is the time of year when we are confronted by where we came from - most of us, while not necessarily being physically present with our family members, at least make contact with them - and the realities of who they are (and maybe what they have always been like) becomes glaringly apparent. Families all have their quirky loved ones, and if your family happens to know you are a sex worker (as mine do), you may well be it.

A lovely story an ex-sex worker told me (she's now in her 70s) was how she announced to her parent after her first client about her fabulous new job: "Mother, all I have to do is make love to men!" Another sex worker I know of told her father who was initially concerned for how her soul was going to survive - he now leaves her notes telling her she is "such a fine daughter".

My own family is conservative and strictly religious and not without our own eccentricities, and that is before you even include me amongst them.

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Advice from a Client

Les Nymphes et le Satyre by William Bouguereau. 1873, Clark Art Institute, Williamstown, Massachusetts.

I welcome contributions from readers and clients, and while the contributor below has never been to see me, I gather he has chalked up quite a bit of experience seeing working ladies in his time.  Over to him:

I have been a subscriber to Wanton Acts for several months and I look forward to reading more of your blogs. I think I have read most of them and they are very well written and most informative. I have been a punter of working ladies for some twenty five or so years now and have had amazing experiences over the years, some good, some very good and some terrible ones.

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Fear of Fifty

Flidais, my favourite Celtic Goddess, of a voracious sexual appetite

Part of us wants to love like the goddesses -- coldly and capriciously. Part of us owes allegiance to Kali, eating her lover and attaching his skull to her waist. Part of us wants to love like Juno, scooping up mortal men, toying with them, then letting them go, turning them, in parting, into caves for the sea to crash through, great phallic stones, or even, if we are merciful, swine. Part of us wants to be Athena and Diana -- who need no lovers, who have intellect and marksmanship instead.
Erica Jong, Fear of Fifty.

Fantastic!  I no longer have a fear of fifty.  In fact, I'm celebrating in public.

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Safe Sex (Work) for Sex Workers

I have to say we're pretty darned lucky in countries like New Zealand where sex work is 100% legal because it means that if anyone tries to harm us, the cops are on our side. Absolutely fabulous situation, it means exactly that because there is the threat, of the long arm of the law who will back us, hopefully ever-present in the minds of any ratbags who might think it's ok to injure us ladies who are carrying out a much-needed service for men and women in our society.

Those countries who are not into legalising sex work are putting a whole group of sex workers and clients at risk as well as causing people to take their safety (or after the fact, revenge) into their own hands, not always very intelligently. Blood on the hands of the lawmakers, as far as I can see.

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Safe Sex (Play) for Clients

(life as art)

This long post was originally written for a sex industry association with the brief How Not to Pick the Wrong Sex Worker and the tagline "warning signs for clients". It has been adapted for my blog.

Is there a wrong type of service provider or only a wrong type of service provider for you? Choosing the wrong type of service provider* could put a client in a rather unsafe situation, but I believe that a lot of safe but bad service turns out to be that the consumer has chosen the wrong service provider for his sexual needs and personal requirements.

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Is tantric sex desirable or even advisable with a sex worker?

It's no secret that one of my favourite "types" of sex is the tantric kind: a kind of slow, meditative, close and not necessarily climactic linking of two people. It's indulgent: like savouring every mouthful - flavour, texture and sensation - of your favourite kind of food or wine and thoughtfully appreciating it even once it has been swallowed or even digested.

So in a world of fast and urgent fucks, where thirsts are quenched and itches are scratched, and sex is erotically enjoyed as a transaction (nothing at all wrong with this, in fact it's mostly pretty hot) is there a place for something more indulgent, and are there any downsides?

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OUT!

The Scream by Edvard Munch

One thing sex workers seem to fear most is being outed, or an aspect of their lives being outed, and interestingly it is probably the most well-used threat some sex workers make against others. However, quite often sex workers let things slip, for example by their lifestyles or in conversations with their friends, which inadvertently reveals that they are or have been on the game.

Below is a piece written by a friend, who happens to occasionally enjoy the company of working girls. I am publishing this here with his permission.

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Flirting and Squirting

My Nanna when she was alive was an incorrigible flirt.  Even as she was dying in hospital, she was batting her eyelashes at and flirting with the male nurses, who were generous enough to humour her and play along.  She used to say that every man deserves to be flirted with, that it's good for them.  I've inherited her philosophy.  I can't help myself.  

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A Way to Spend Money

Sex work is about sex and money, so I often think about money and what to do with it.  Money is just a tool with which we build our freedom, but not having any of this freedom-tool is not much fun at all.  And yet I am surprised at the drama that surrounds so much to do with sex workers' money.  Not least by ourselves.  I guess this has to do with the fact that at any time we may have to stop sex work, usually because of some kind of drama.  Must we have so much drama?  (Not necessarily).

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Orgasms - the great anti-aging secret?

Jane Fonda - still hot in her advancing years - although she admits she has had plastic surgery, she is open about a happy sex life and her appreciation of porn.  Could this be the real reason she still has a rather sexy twinkle in her eye?

I've lost count of the number of people who have told me in the last year, since I upped my sexual activity by getting back into sex work, how young I look.  I'm not just talking about clients either, who sometimes express surprise when I reveal my real age, (which I am happy to do by the way),

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Dear Baby Hooker...

Congratulations!  You've recognised that you can put a value on something that there is a bit of a demand for and decided to become a sex worker.  Here are some things that I've gleaned over the years, or that I wish I'd known way back when.

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Cleanliness and godliness

The other day I was in a cafe and there was a young mother at the next table.  She screwed up her nose a bit and said to her son, about 11 years old, "have you had a shower today?"  He was quick to say yes, but I quickly glanced at his mother and she was looking doubtful.  One of the boys I used to hang out with when I was little told me once that all he had to do was wash his knees and his mum would think he'd had a wash.  There are always tricks people try, to avoid getting in that god-damned shower.

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Don't give me culture!

I share my favourites from the world of culture: film, music and the arts on my "keeper" list. These ones are all erotic and/or sex work related.

My favourite typecast actress would have to be Anita Morris, who normally plays the horny redhead. You will recognise her from the She Was Hot (Rolling Stones) video; her cougar waitress (moonlighting unofficially as a sex worker) character who is paid after taking the virginity of the character played by Rob Lowe in Hotel New Hampshire (brilliant movie with a great message, also starring a young Jodie Foster) and the conniving red haired sexpot trying to outsmart Danny deVito's character (in video above) in my all time favourite movie Ruthless People. She also made a guest appearance playing the same type of femme fatale in the TV series Cheers where poor old Cliff got taken for a ride.

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The Joy of (Phone) Sex

Among the men I am fortunate to sexually liaise with are interesting, intelligent, creative types. One of my clients who I regularly enjoy phone sex with is in this category and he thanked me by sending me his account of a recent session.  I find it very erotic.  He has given me permission to share it. 


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A Bossy Girl Or a Dominatrix?

Remember when you were a kid and you'd see a loud-mouthed 12 year old girl getting about with a couple of 10 year old boys in tow hanging on to her every word, she'd be ordering them about, getting them to buy her gob-stoppers and generally acting like she owned the place?  Well I wasn't that girl, but occasionally we sex workers entertain one of those 10 year old boys who were full of admiration for their older girl friend, now fully grown and asking if you can be a bossy girl.

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In praise of quickies

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

I have to say, I'm not much of a time-keeper in the room.  I never schedule bookings back to back, it is very rare that there isn't enough time in between bookings for me to have myself and my boudoir looking just how I want it to be.  And when clients are with me, my attention is all on them and making sure they have the most enthralling time possible.  I also like us to wallow in each sensation as it occurs, and wallowing takes time.

So I never thought I would ever do a quickie (which is a short, usually 20 minute long booking) as I just could not see how we could fit everything in.

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Let it be known

I really love what I do.  I honestly feel that what I do helps mankind and is almost a spiritual service.  I don't mind if you laugh.  I'm not saying I'm holy, or godly - I realise I'm the polar opposite of a nun.  But I know that I've helped people through this line of work and I love the feeling of intimacy and closeness where it feels like a there is almost the power of a deity in such union.  As opposed to two people having a fuck, although that is obviously nice too.

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The Joy of Sex (Toys)

One of my favourite actresses, the late Anita Morris getting off on a mini vacuum cleaner from the film Ruthless People (a must-see if only for two of the great redhead stereotypes)

The other week when a lovely client was going down on me and I was focusing on the amazing sensation, it dawned on me that it actually felt a lot like the same type of orgasm I get from one of my favourite sex toys

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Fake cocks in bisexual fantasies?

It's said that we are all bisexual to a degree with some being closer to the gay end of the spectrum and others being closer to the straight end but mostly we are somewhere in between.

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Slightly kink - English

English is not a term that is commonly used to describe caning and other parallel activities, but apparently it used to be and I feel it is quite obvious where that term came from, for anyone who prior to 1980 had any experience of English-style boarding schools, boys' boarding schools that is.

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What do men like?

Johann Zoffany: (part of) The Tribuna of the Uffizi (feat. Titian: Venus of Urbino)

Here is a controversial anti-feminist - or is it? - statement by Amber O'Hara: Men are the delicious other halves of our lives - the yang to our yin, the strong to our vulnerable (supposedly) and the penises to our vaginas (if we are straight, that is).

It's the penises to our vaginas (and other orifices) that I have a particular interest in in this line of work

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Slightly kink - Japanese

I don't know if it is a thing that japanese people* do - but we jokingly call sex while menstruating "Japanese", referring to the fact that a large red puddle of blood on a white sheet resembles the japanese flag.

Yes, more squemishness may be in store for you and you may even doubt this but the fact is that there is a fetish for everything: Some men like sex with a woman when she has her period.

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Who are my clients?

Édouard Manet painting possibly representing clients and sex workers

Some people are curious and I have been asked who my clients are. I suspect to make themselves feel better about their negative attitudes towards sex work and to feel removed from it as much as possible, some like to think of sex workers' clients as revolting, perverse and generally unattractive men, the other, whom they are unlikely to have known. Let me assure you that in my experience this is not the case. The men we have sex with for money are your average men.  They are in everyone's lives as boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers and sons. I'm delighted to have met most of my clients.

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Slightly kink - Greek

The tiniest bit of what I do is slightly kink, so if you get slightly squeamish about anything that is not totally straight you may want to skip this post.  Because it's about anal.

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Men's fantasies - Other Woman Experience (OWE)

I've seen the OWE (other woman experience) happen a wee bit in my time doing sex work.  Last year a working girl friend of mine had a year long (in his eyes it was an affair) series of bookings with a regular client who declared his undying love, promised exotic holidays which she turned down as she knew they did not include payment for her, and told her he would leave his wife for her.

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To the men who respond to my newspaper advertisements

my little advert

Please don't think that because I'm advertising in the Press or your free community newspapers, alongside the traditionally lower-priced but sometimes fictional Asian agency ladies, that I am also prepared to offer my services for lesser amounts than I advertise elsewhere.

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Men's fantasies - Girl Friend Experience (GFE)

Amber O'Hara's mirror selfie in her boudoir

Men who are single or whose partners are choosing to abstain from sex often have a desire or a fantasy for a more intimate and connecting sexual experience as if they were in the bed of a hot girlfriend who will not smack his hand or make him feel like he is pestering her for sex when he attempts foreplay.

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Does the G-Spot exist?

This is just a short post because occasionally I hear people saying the g-spot is a load of old cobblers.

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Men's fantasies - Porn Star Experience (PSE)

It's the fantasy of a lot of men to fuck a porn star or fuck like a porn star but sadly it is beyond reach for most guys.  However if you visit a sex worker who specialises in PSE, it's like you can direct and star in your very own porn movie with a very hot leading lady.

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Et tu, Google+?

Amber O'Hara's now banned Google Plus profile

Gosh, it's as if sex workers don't have enough to juggle with, without now being overly-censored by the stuffy and the righteous on this vast wasteland of free porn, otherwise known as the Internet.

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Talk dirty to me...

Amber O'Hara and her phone

If you have been reading my Details and Prices page from about a fortnight ago, you will notice that I offer a new service now, namely phone sex.

I've always been the girl who loves sex and especially loves to talk about sex, I guess that's why I have this blog: so that those who want to listen (read) can.  But there is something even more wanton when you can talk dirty down the phone to a horny man about whatever he wants to talk about.  And it really makes a girl aroused to get a live, realtime reaction.  It's almost as good as the real thing.

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Buying Sex - creative licence and a Canadian doco

This blog post may not be of interest to many readers because it is about a film that not many will get to see and it is not really a film that's even worth seeking out.  But it's about buying sex, which involves clients of sex workers so I thought I would give my take on it.

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Fantasies about men

When I'm not doing sex work full-time, I actually miss fucking, and as a result of this, my imagination works overtime.

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Be nice to me, Invercargill (and Queenstown)

I, with two of my beautiful working girl friends, are lucky enough to be visiting Invers tomorrow, Friday and Saturday.  I think it is my first time, ever, in my whole life that I have ever been there.  Imagine my excitement!

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Cocksucking

What do blow jobs have in common with Lobster Themidor?

We don't get Lobster Thermidor at home much either.

If you don't get blow jobs much at home, as this well-known joke hints, you're in luck, because most sex workers claim to love blow jobs, and in fact most quote the humble blow job as their particular specialty in their advertisements.  

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Selling sex

It seems that a few sex workers I have spoken to get a bit funny about the bit where clients hand over the money, and I can't for the life of me see why.

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Going down - is a man or a sex toy best?

The first time I saw this image on someone's blog, I just about came on the spot.

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Valentine's day topic: Sex workers and the L word

A mention of Amber O'Hara from a brief round up of websites of sex workers by a kind client

I have met sex workers who have fallen in love with their clients and "ended up" together, so I guess the answer to the question, Do sex workers and clients fall in love? is yes.

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Places I have worked - how did I get into sex work?

Wellington Harbour, where I entered into the sex industry as a ship girl

Most people who get into sex work get into it initially for one reason and one reason only - they need money fast.

READ MORE or CHECK OUT THIS POST IN THE BONUS CHAPTERS IN MY AMAZON TITLE: Amber O'Hara's Sex Work Stories: Includes bonus chapters Kindle Edition

The money, honey part 2

One skill that all working girls could consider getting would be the knowledge of how to keep a cash book or basic analysis book system.

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The money, honey part 1

It's not that hard to go legit as a hooker, so I thought I would share a few things that I have found in case any other working girls who read my blog are interested.

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What to do if you bump into your sex worker in public

We all need to get out and about in the world to buy stuff and whatever, and sometimes we are with our families, work colleagues, friends or partners when a sex worker bumps into one of her clients.

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The virgin and the whore

I have a relative who decided to save her virginity until she got married...

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