Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut
In 1999, Stanley Kubrick released his last film, Eyes Wide Shut, which starred Kidman and Cruise, 'a Hollywood couple whose marriage was in trouble, about a New York couple whose marriage was in trouble.' It was famous for an orgy scene, but in the subtext of the film, it's really about a couple whose eyes are shut to their own sexuality/the sexual reality within their relationship (or the husband is having some kind of bad dream to that effect). It seems a little cruel, that under the circumstances (of their relationship about to break up), the lead actors were laid literally so bare.
A mismatch of libidos will often only rear its head as an issue after the honeymoon phase of a relationship is over.
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I am one of those in a marriage with a lot of history, a lot of love and no sex. My wife and I have worked out a compromise that while not perfect seems to works for us.
ReplyDeleteFirstly I have three very expensive hobbies. Music, fishing/boating and pistol shooting. When I turn up at home with a new guitar, an item for fishing/the boat or a package of reloading supplies arrives by courier nothing is said.
When Mrs Musicman and I are out and I say I want to go into XXXX shop and have a look at something we usually buy it. My last such purchase last year was a new entertainment system, internet TV, blueray player and sound bar for my setup in the lounge even though I already had an LED 32" TV, DVD and surround sound system. The quid pro quo in this is that while I get what I want if Mrs Musicman decides she wants something too at the same time we get it as well.
As far as my sex needs are concerned I was long ago told "Do what you must just be discrete and I don't want to know".
Up until mid 2014 I regularly saw working girls and occasionally had a mistress. The mistress was, as Amber said, tricky but it is not just about sex with me. There needs to be some kind of connection plus I also look for a little bit of (none serious) romance. This can lead to some bad experiences when working girls, realising they can often get something for nothing in the arrangements, take it too far and take more than they should. Fortunately for me I have learned the hard way to recognise this and step away when it happens. Also I never commit to anything I wouldn't feel comfortable with if I lost it from my pocket.
In 2104 two things happened. First I met a lady who gave everything I had been looking for without taking this too far. Unfortunately she only visits my area a few times a year. Every month or so though we exchange a few "how are you" texts just out of the blue. And she will send the first one just as often as I do. This satisfies the romance side of things for me in between our dinner dates/overnight bookings.
The other thing that happened last year was I stopped seeing working girls as a matter of course just to end up with a bit of frustration. Sure there have been one or two lapses since I "retired" from active punting but overall I am seeing much, much less than of the girls than I have done over the previous decade.
When my current lady retires, which I know she will do eventually I will see what happens then.