Saturday, 28 November 2015

What gets women off (part one)

It's been widely concluded that it's harder for women to get aroused than men, and that it takes longer. That some women lose interest in sex. That some women have a lower libido overall than most men.

The thing is with (straight) men, a glimpse of bosom or derrière seems to be able to do it. It can fill them with instant desiring and lust.  Or horniness to be precise.



  1. Amber, I love this post. I can hardly wait to read part 2.

    You’ve touched on a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and so I must put my two-cents-in.
    Female Porn vs Male Porn

    Dr. Warren Farrell wrote a wonderful book, Why Men Are The Way They Are. (Aside: if you can locate the book on tape version of WMATWTA, please listen to it. It’s more of an interview format & packed full of extra material not covered in the book)

    In it he mentions how unfair it is that 'woman porn', romance novels, are totally accepted by society (women), but graphic photo or video porn that men use for their version of sexual stimulation, is not accepted. Wait. Let me be more clear…. Women vilify graphic physical images!

    Women don't see romance novels as porn, but it is. Romance novels are packed with emotional porn. Scenarios of gallant men swooping in, saving the day.... and ravishing the fair damsel (or up tight pencil skirt clad captain of industry wearing 6” heels to the office). As you noted, that's the stuff that get's woman off.

    As you quoted in your article, the author claims that "there is one major disparity between the sexual motivations for men and women. Men are primarily influenced by visual stimuli whereas women tend to enjoy the emotional and romantic side of sex more."

    Both men & women have their own version of porn. Dr Farrell makes a great case that women are the ones who set the rules about what is acceptable in the relationship (after all, Women Own All The Vaginas.... another wonderful book, btw =)

    So men live in a world of hiding their porn, but women are allowed to flaunt theirs, reading it in public or, as your female family members did, leave it in stacks & share it around. It's sad that women are conditioned to discount men's need for pleasurable stimuli while openly flaunting her own.

    If the results of women reading romance novel porn was that she finished reading an exciting passage, becoming so aroused that she had to have her man NOW!, then it would a 'bonding' purpose. But female porn generally doesn't cause woman to go fuck their man. Instead, I get the feeling that women read about idealized fantasy relationships, then close the book, look at their mate and feel sadness or even contempt at how he doesn't measure up. Which only makes the gap between the 2 bigger.

    Generally men don't look at the hottie in the Victoria's Secret catalog, achieve a chubby and find their partner disgusting. No! The men I know want to put down the magazine and ravish their partner =) But since the woman in their life has set the rule, NO PORN IN THIS HOUSE! he has to hide his arousal and take care of it himself.

    To me, it's so sad that we woman consider ourselves very modern in our thinking. We control our home, career, health and orgasms. These days it's expected that a woman will have lube & a vibe in her nightstand, but a guy having lube and a masturbator like a Fleshlight in his bedside stand? Women ridicule him for being a pervert, or worse! It’s disturbing to me that we do everything in our power in an attempt to control our man's orgasm and his healthy sexual appetite, while parading around as if OUR sexuality is purity & goodness. Shame on us!

    1. My concern is that there are many women of a certain age who don't even have a vibrator in their nightstand and in fact no longer care about their own sexual arousal, which comes before the desire to have a vibrator in her nightstand.

      How to get interest back or have sexual feeling again? It starts in the mind. Definitely, let men have the visual images which turn them on. Men's desire for sex is not going away. Women, let's be aroused as well.

      Sex is so good for us.

      Thanks for your great comments, Joy.

  2. PS: To be clear, I am 100% FOR women's erotica. It's a great way to find pleasure and satisfaction. My beef is with women themselves, for being controlling ball busters in regard to their man's choice in his own please & erotica.


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