Are you old enough?

 Still from the music video of Dragon's Are You Old Enough?

The legal age to be a sex worker in New Zealand is 18 and most sex workers will not accept clients under 18.  According to my (light) investigations, there is actually no age restriction for sex workers' clients other than the age restriction for sexual consent which is 16.   (I stand to be corrected).

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What gets women off (part two)

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a epidemic of sexual dissatisfaction called Hysteria.  Women all over the place were getting it, the symptoms were vast and doctors were treating it by massaging the clitorises of their patients.  This method of treatment would result in what was then known as a paroxysm, or an orgasm, which would heal the multitude of ills in the hysteria potpourri. 

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A taboo subject: sex workers from the same family

1978 movie Pretty Baby publicity still* 

As Christmas is for family get-togethers, I occasionally ponder at this time of year, the place of sex workers within, or their relationships with, their families.  Lately I have been talking with a few sex workers who have other family members also in the industry. Even though there are many people from the same family working as sex workers all over the world, some people have the impression that this kind of situation is distasteful, comical, exploitative as well as arousing. 

In New Zealand and Australia, I knew and presently know many sex workers who are from the same family and although many sex workers receive support from friends and family members, we agreed that there is still a bit of a taboo however when two family members work as sex workers together or at the same time, 

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What gets women off (part one)

It's been widely concluded that it's harder for women to get aroused than men, and that it takes longer. That some women lose interest in sex. That some women have a lower libido overall than most men.

The thing is with (straight) men, a glimpse of bosom or derrière seems to be able to do it. It can fill them with instant desiring and lust.  Or horniness to be precise.

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Lady on lady sex work adventures

Golden Head by Golden Head, illustration by Dante Rossetti for Christina Rossetti's Goblin Market and Other Poems (1862)

Golden head by golden head,
Like two pigeons in one nest
Folded in each other's wings,
They lay down in their curtained bed

- Christina Rossetti in Goblin Market

It's not just men who enjoy sexy times with sex workers.

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Some men (who love their wives) visit escorts

Sometimes couples stay together because they really love each other and want to continue the personal investment they've made in their past and the family unit and home.

The monogamous ideas that have been passed down through the ages means that couple are obliged to only make love with each other until the end of their relationship. Yet the modern consensus agrees; why should a lady keep being intimate with her husband if she doesn't want to? (Playing devil's advocate here as I have my own opinions on the benefits of sex for women, specifically the benefits of orgasms).

Be honest - would you really enjoy having sex with your partner if she was not into it? Even though sometimes in marriage we do what we don't want to, a lot of men don't want to have sex with an unwilling partner so they don't force the issue.

But men still have needs, even an (incomprehensible to women) need for variety. That's why the sex industry exists. If a man has not left his wife, even though he sees escorts or his wife is no longer making love with him as often, it's because he still loves his wife or doesn't wish to disrupt the life they have built together. Good for him is what I say. 

Below is something that was sent to me by a man with the interesting distinction that he does not have sexual intercourse with sex workers.  This explains why and how he sees escorts.

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Ways to do sex work - part three (being a domme)

Dominique Stern, a character created by musician Gene Simmons

What a mysterious world the provision of domination and fetish services is.  It may be an area you'd consider exploring if you have an interest in certain kinks.  Sometimes it's a service that occasionally sex workers branch out into when they are wanting to go beyond full service sex work for one reason or another.  However, being a dominatrix is much, much more than the odd spank with a paddle, encompassing psychological components and sometimes delving deeply into the past of a client and storming into their psyches, occasionally into a dark place.

Art by Sardax

Just about every full service sex worker I know has had the same old guys doing the rounds, calling or texting them offering to be their house slaves.  That would be fine, but they are usually very poor cleaners, and to add insult to injury, they expect to have their fantasies of being dominated and humiliated (that is, crawling around in the nude cleaning our loos) indulged for free or in exchange for "cleaning."

It sounds all very temptingly easy, but there are dangers involved with domming. 

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Actresses on Mattresses

While sex workers can genuinely feel affection for some clients, there is usually an element of acting involved (as opposed to robotic and clinical sex work), whether it involves putting on a brave face when things are less than stellar in their private lives, or acting professionally pleasant when you just don't feel like it as is expected in many occupations, but also occasionally a bit of character acting. 

The phrase "actresses on mattresses" may be referring to sex workers' skills with PSE and GFE, but I like to think that one of the most fun aspects of sex work is participating in a random fantasy of someone else.

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What it's like to be the only one

Stephanie Hunter - Australian Escort (click on images to enlarge)

I've been in touch with a few escorts from Australia as well as one or two kiwi escorts now working over the ditch.  It seems that even though our laws are similar, that is, that penetrative oral sex must also be covered, in recent times, in Australia sex workers have begun to mostly offer unprotected oral sex (known as BBBJ*).  

My colleague Stephanie Hunter is one of the few independent Australian escorts who do not offer BBBJ and she has established herself as a high-end escort.  She is an international travel companion, escort, call girl.  But it wasn't always like this, so I asked her to provide a history of the industry in her view, to tell me her story. 

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Writing

Everyday I write the book by Elvis Costello
I once met a music industry dude who I enjoyed discussing the art of playlists with.  I boldly asked him to compile a mix tape for me off the top of his head based on what he knew of me.  Second on his playlist was one of my favourites, Everyday I Write The Book by Elvis Costello and the Attractions.  Nice choice.

I have always loved words, the sound of them, the meaning.

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